Disregarding Reality
by SilverRibbon
Summary: Sam explains Fanfiction to Bumblebee. Bumblebee informs the Autobots. Deceptions overhear. Humor issues.


Disregarding Reality, Regarding Fantasy

Forward

Just a couple of helpful notes before jumping into the story proper. First the Autobots, Decepticons, and humans in this story are the result of combining character personalities and established official information from the two most popular Transformers universes (movie and traditional Cartoon/comic G1 universe). Referenced are information bits from 'The Transformers universe complete guide', .com, Transformers:2007 movie, Transformers:Revenge of the Fallen, Transformers the Movie (original) and official comics produced by several publishers.

Secondly, this story takes place in a sort of 'behind the scenes' setting where certain characters who would not normally interact when 'on the set' do. I attempted to keep them as 'In Character' as possible, but due to the fact some of them are interacting without attempting to maim and Kill each other, very slight ooc situations may occur. Finally, this is for humor's sake and while sarcasm and blunt commentary are used this story is in no way meant as an attack on any one author, story, pairing/grouping or...ahem..fetish. Also, I am inserting the obligatory disclaimer stating that I own none of the Transformers official universes, rights, ect.

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** CHAPTER 1: Fangirls Are Nucking Futs.**

Bumblebee first suspected something was up when his human charge started to alternatively burst out laughing, and making incredulous noises while tapping at his lap top. Sam was supposed to be working on a collage essay and had convinced the yellow and black auto bot that he would work better where he could 'get some fresh air.' Bumblebee obliging drove Sam out into the scenic country side to where Sam currently was sitting under a tree doing something with his computer the Autobot was increasingly convinced had nothing to do with his academic duties.

Although he was in his alt-mode Bumbebee had no problems communicating with his human friend, and not by the use of his radio or voice modular. In order to for Sam to obtain a signal to log on to the Internet so far out in no-mans-land Bumblebee was working as a transmitter and receiver for the Laptop connecting it to the 'world-wide-web'. This position as 'go-between' opened up a logical third method of talking to the young man...Instant Messaging

Sam was in the middle of snorting disbelievingly while eying the current page loaded when a black text box popped up in the top left corner of the screen. Startled for a moment Sam muttered 'what the..' as bright cheery yellow text started to appear in the box. Instinctively Sam's eyes flickered from the appearing text to his innocent looking Camaro parked on the grass not four yards away from his outstretched feet.

**'Sam I am growing suspicious that you are not remaining focused on your studies.'** the text announced causing a little chuckle to escape from the boy as he continued to scroll down the webpage.

**" What makes you say that buddy?"** Sam innocently asked out loud. It might have felt odd to another person to respond to a text message verbally, but he knew very well that Bee could hear him and speaking would be faster than typing his responses.

**'You have never found he history of your planets 'American revolutionary period' humorous in the past. In fact last Tuesday I believe you said it was about as entertaining as..'**

Sam cut Bee off, twitching a tad as the Autobot so faithful started to repeat part of the rant he had spewed out after a particularly annoying and long history class.** "No I don't. And your right, thats not what I'm looking at right now. I needed a break Bee, my brain was starting to leak out my ears."** Sam sighed then quickly followed up with the reassuring comment** "thats just a figure of speech, no part of my body is leaking out of me."**

He reassured the Autobot just in time. Bumblebee had been alarmed by the comment, positive that other than waste lubricants, oral digestive enzyme and lubricant called 'saliva', and coolant called 'sweat', humans were not supposed to leak things and if they were it usually signaled injury. Suspicion over Sam's actions now turned to curiosity and 'bee was not shy about asking what was on his processor at the moment.

'What is it that you are finding so humorous then Sam?' the text flowed onto the screen as the previous message disappeared. Texting from a Cybetronian was a lot faster and smoother than the primitive programs used by the earthlings...to the point that the autobot had to use caution not to transmit faster than the laptop could process.

**"You don't know Bee? I figured since you were working as Wi-Fi that you could kind of just...look?" **Sam trailed off for a second suddenly glad that his friend had NOT decided to simply look in on what he was doing previously.

**'I could. But that would be rude Sam. An invasion of your privacy and misuse of trust.'** the Autobot sent with all seriousness.

In a culture where half of all interactions were sent over links as signals and databursts, secure or otherwise, protocol regarding 'listening in' had developed rather early in their society. Of course once the war started Cybertonians became a lot more selective when it came to what was sent over open or semi-secure bandwidths due to the less than upstanding methods of information gathering employed by deceptions. But as a general rule eavesdropping on signals was not done amongst comrades and friends, Sam as his human friend was included in all the politeness protocols practiced by Autobots and Cybertronians in general...even if the human was unaware of them and accidentally brought up Taboo subjects and faux pas from time to time.

Sam made a little 'oh' sound after reading the message, it was somehow comforting to know that his super advanced robotic alien friend had rules against using his uber-exetronic ablilites to listen or look in on stuff. Sam had always wondered each time he talked on a cell phone if 'Bee was listening in or something. It was nice to know he had some personal-space.

**"Oh, well...you can take a look if you want buddy. But I'm warning you, it's probably going to disgust you. Just keep in mind that not all humans are that messed up ok?"**

Bumblebee was now a little puzzled, what was Sam looking at that the boy thought would possibly disgust the much older robotic organism. Bumblebee had been on earth for almost five years prior to meeting Sam in the car lot, and had witness many aspects of human nature as well as looked up his fair share of odd local customs on the Internet. The Autobot allowed his processors to translate the data that he was transmitting back and forth for Sam, scanning the page the boy was currently on only confused the Autobot more as to why it would be considered 'disgusting'.

**'What is 'Fanfiction'?' **he texted noting the websites designation as , an apparent virtual data storage unit for reports. The reports appeared to be filed and listed according to several category criteria, many of witch used unfamiliar parameters. He would have to ask Sam to explain.

Sam floundered for a second with the realization that yes, something like fanfiction would be a...ahem..alien concept to his friend. Now how the hell was he going to explain this to Bee without making the whole human race sound insane?

**"Fanfiction is...well....you see a 'Fanfic' is the abbreviated term for Fan-fiction, its a story written by fans about characters in a story, movie, book, or game. Often sort of 'what if' stories."** he said pausing to run one hand through his short brown hair before continuing as Bee made no comment apparently wishing for more information before texting again. **"Um. So, they often have nothing to do with what those character would actually do, but are written for fun. Sometimes they are really well written and make since because you can see those character actually acting like they are doing in the fanfic. But other times they are just stupid or dirty for the hell of it and ignore the actual facts in the universes they are writing about."** Sam paused and sure enough a little chime signaled that bee had sent another message.

**'I think I understand. They are not reports, but events made up by individual humans for recreational entertainment . But how can a electronically written story be 'dirty' Sam? Unless you mean the file is corrupt or has an embedded virus.'**

Sam exhaled incredulously after reading the message, making a noise that was half laugh and half groan. **"When people say 'dirty' in reference to a movie or story, they mean..uh...'sexually explicit'. Some people just like that kind of stuff I guess." **Sam could feel his face starting to heat up the longer he discussed the subject of 'dirty fan-fiction'.

**' Understood. Why were you laughing at this 'fanfiction' earlier, was it humorous?'** He didn't completely understand the local connotations humans constructed around the topic of reproduction, and why such a basic function would be embarrassing for them to discuss, but it was not important for him to press the topic when Sam was so obviously becoming uncomfortable.

Sam shook his head with a wry grin **"Not exactly Bee...or well it kind of was I guess. Let me put it this way, there are a lot of girls, and probably boys too...who have very vivid and sometimes perverted imaginations when it comes to you Transformers. You wouldn't believe how many fanfics out there have you guys doing some really perverse stuff, or just plain weird stuff."**

Bee's possessor glitched for a second as the bot tried to understand what he was hearing. 'There are 'fan stories' about Cybertronians?' the text slowly appeared after a several second pause. At the same time Bee decided to take a closer look at the page Sam was looking at. Sure enough After the title of each story there was additional information categorizing the story and often a brief summery as well as the characters it included...and his scanning picked up on several familiar designations as well as some unfamiliar terms. The guide to ratings explained how the stories were rated by basic maturity levels, but made no explanation as far as the acronyms went.

**'How do they, other humans that is, know about us?'** Bee sent dumbfounded.

**"Well, older humans remember the Cartoon and comics, and the younger ones probably saw the new live action movies. In the writer's home universe, we are all characters in stories and Transformers aren't secret. I told you all that strange stuff Michal Bay put in the script was going to come back to haunt you guys." **Sam said dryly as his eyes drifted down page after page of fanfiction.

**'…..So unusual. Sam can you explain a few terms for me so I better understand 'Fanfiction' classifications?'**

**"Sure."** Sam winced as his eyes drifted over one of the more disturbing story summaries. Why was it that if he wasn't in a relationship with 'Kayla he was in one with Bumblebee? He wasn't gay, let alone into sex-play with giant sentient transforming alien robots. Why couldn't two guys ( or a guy and a sort of guy) be friends these days without over hormonally driven fans making into a sexual thing? Gods he hoped Bee stopped looking into fan fics before he stumbled on 'their' pairing. The questions would be too much, and what if it made Bee curious or something?

**'Slash, Yaoi, Pairing, BDSM, Non-Con, Het, OC, OOC, AU, M-preg.'**

Sam's eyes grew wider with every term Bee added to the list. The boy was half tempted to hell his guardian to 'look it up' instead of having to fumble through embarrassing explanations. But he had agreed to explain things, and besides if Bee looked it up the poor Autobot would probably learn more than he wanted to. Sam wasn't sure if Transformers could delete disturbing information from their memory once they learned it.

**"Crap Bee, you would pick the bad ones first. Ok, might as well jump in all the way. Slash and Yaoi refer to two males having a romantic or sexual relationship. It can be graphic, or just implied. If you want to know more about homosexuality...look it up. A pairing as when the two characters mentioned are in some kind of relationship, usually romantic or sexual. BDSM is...um...you know what, look that up too ok? Non-con...er...thats a story where one of the people in the sexual act doesn't want it to happen. It means Non-consensual." **Sam closed his eyes in a pained expression, glad that at least that part was over, now to the slightly less humiliating subjects.

**"Het is short for 'Heterosexual' it means that the attraction, romance, or sex in the story is between a male and a female...you know the more normal way. OC means 'original character' thats when the writer adds someone who isn't in the actual universe they are writing about because they made the character up. Usually it's just the writer putting their alter-ego in the story because they wish they could be there, sometimes the character is totally original..although they tend to be clichéd. OOC means the characters in the story are not acting like they actually would in real life. I don't know why people do that because the whole point of writing fanfiction about characters is because you like the characters the way they are...so why make them act like what they aren't? Anyway, on to the next one. AU stands for Alternate Universe, they are sort of 'what if' stories that ask questions like 'If things happened this way instead of what really happened, how would the characters react and what would be different?"**

Sam rolled his eyes at the last abbreviation. And here the thought the embarrassing part was over, now for an embarrassing AND insane explanation.** "M-preg means Male Pregnancy, and no Bee that never happens with humans. I think that was something that came from all the stories with homosexual parings as a way for the couples to have kids. Never mind the anatomical impossibility of such a thing, or how that would physically work. Um...that's all of them right?" **Sam paused, feeling slightly winded, and very glad now that the long explanation was over.

**'Yes. Thankyou' **Bumblbee had a few more questions, but it was apparent that Sam was getting worked up over some of the concepts so he would have to do some research himself. Perhaps Ratchet would be useful in understanding some of the concepts that related to human mating rituals and other physiology questions. However, there was one more question Sam had forgotten to explain properly.

**'Sam, you never told me what you thought was so funny about the 'fanfiction.'**

Sam grinned at the screen, then up at his car once more. **"Two words 'bee. Female Barracade."**

That time....Bumblebee DID glitch for a second.

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End of Chapter one. Next Chapter= ?

_Bumblebee takes his new information about fanfiction to Rachet hoping to have some things about human mating practices, and psycology explained. Ratchet reads fanfiction and his reaction causes other Autobots to curiously look up ...this leads to chaos and various reactions from the 'stars' of the fanfictions._

**_NOTE: I have not forgotten about my other stories, this was a sort of warm-up to get back in the grove of things. I read and love every review people take time to make._**


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